I just settled myself into my favorite spot on the couch, remote in hand, prepared to be swept away into worlds of reality, sport, drama, and comedy tv. The channels begin to fly by at a furious pace. I'm not interested in that game. Watched the premier of LOST already. I saw that guy stuff his face full of burger last week. I'll never be able to afford a trip there, so why watch it now. Is My Cousin Vinnie on again? I'm drawn into Univision by all the pretty colors, crowd excitement, and lovely prizes, but I can't understand a word they're saying. I never thought about using that as a coffee table, thanks HGTV. Bring it Bobby Flay, I'm ready for a throwdown. Glenn Beck moved to FOX News, always wondered how he had a show on CNN. Somebody should let Discovery know that after airing it for the fiftieth time the suspense about whether he makes it out of the desert or not is gone.
Suddenly I hear, "what's that?". "Go back, it's figure skating."
Hah, she's wrong. I know it's the winter X games, but I'll go back anyway so that she'll believe me.
"See", I say.
"I didn't want you to skip over it", she says.
"I wouldn't do that."
Wow, that was close! That would have been awful. Hours of poorly chosen music, mediocre performance, and ear ringing commentary. How does anyone manage to sit through an entire broadcast of that anyways? I resume my surfing.
I fly by a couple more channels. Where does that guy get off telling him that Zubaz pants are not office attire? Man, Miss Massachusetts just got robbed. What's on NBC? You're kidding? Just my luck. Maybe she didn't notice. Quick find something else.
"What are you doing?"
"Go back."
I turn the channel, reluctantly. Now I'm in for it. I won't be able to avoid watching this tonight.
"It's the U.S. Championships", she says.
As if that matters. It could be the final skate to end world hunger and it wouldn't matter to me. Boring is boring. Nothing can redeem this lame example of sport.
Quickly I begin to think of other things I can do to occupy my time. I could read, haven't done that for years. I could go pray, but I did that this morning. I could go to bed, but I can't settle myself down after my throwdown with Bobby Flay. I could watch this with her. I really do not want to watch this!
I control the remote, it's up to me what we watch. I could be a real jerk and go back to the edge of your seat episode of Man vs. Wild to see if he makes it out of the desert. I think long and hard and decide the only thing to do is to hand the remote over and make a run for it.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going on Facebook."
"I watch hours of football, baseball, and other stuff and stay right here so that I can spend time with you." "You won't even spend one night watching this with me?"
So basically she is telling me I don't love her unless I sit and force myself to watch this crap. I don't know what I'm going to do. Think, think, think, think, think, think.................
I've got it, I'll go blog! That will give me something to do and get something done that I've wanted to get done for a week now.
Now that I'm done writing I have nothing else to do but go watch figure skating. For some of you the answer is, yes I love her that much. For those others of you, your just jealous.
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