The Groundhog Stimulus Package

It's that time of year again. Fortunately for us it is only one day of the 365 in this new year that is certain to bring disappointment. You and I may hope this year might possibly produce a different result than the several in recent history. However, that hope may not be enough to turn the tides, shift the earth's axis, or position the sun to ensure Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see his shadow.

Prepare yourself, keep your snow shovels ready, your hats and gloves available, don't think about packing the ice scraper away, you still have time to install the remote start in the wife's car, and please don't forget that like you your car needs to be hydrated so top it off with "juice"(aka. washer fluid to those of us older than 3). I believe we're in for another 6 weeks of winter!

The earlier mention of hope has got me thinking. This has been a popular theme these last several months. You can not pick up a paper or turn on a tv without hearing this word mentioned and often associated with our new President. So in the spirit of Groundhog Day and with the intention to offer our new president some advice I'm sure he has not received from his esteemed staff of advisers, I would like to offer my sure fire plan for stimulating the US economy. President Obama, you may want to read on, this involves you.

After all the news programs I've watched, articles I've read, and pop songs I've listened to, I'm under the impression that, President Obama, you may have the ability to walk on water. If this is true and your abilities know no natural boundaries you yourself may be the shot in the arm of the sagging economy. This is my plan.

First you will have to step in tomorrow at the annual unveiling of our famous furry weather man and do exactly what I've suggested earlier. You must shift the earth on it's axis and stop the sun in order to provide all of our weary Americans with the first sign of great things to come. If done right this will guarantee a quick spring and if at all possible you may just want to continue in the miraculous and launch spring effective immediately. "Why will this work?", you may ask. Let me explain.

In switching off winter and turning on spring you will fill the working class pockets of America with hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars otherwise budgeted to keep themselves from freezing. These dollars can than be put into buying all the left over inventory at CircuitCity and rescue the "big 3" from the endangered species list. Our municipalities would find money, once thought spent, after the plows and salt trucks had been tucked away for the season. Your buddy Deval (Governor of Massachusetts) would be eternally grateful for you thinking of him and his commonwealth. The quick thaw would possibly open the flood gates of the lenders, releasing previously locked down credit. Or, at the very least, the thaw would create enough mud and muck to supply the shoe shines, dry cleaners, and car washes with a rush on services. The bottom line is that warmer weather would make people happy, and happy people spend money. Send the message, loud and clear, come on America, stop being so darn thrifty!

I trust this bit of advice comes at a very important time in our country's history. It is up to you, our president, to lead us on to greater horizons. Lead us on to the American dream. I will be your voice in the desert crying, "prepare ye the way of the President". After all I know that there are those out there that still have less than $10,000 in credit card debt and longing for the day they can't afford to pay a $300 car payment. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.

For all those that have read this to the end, I thank you for bearing with me. This started as a ode to the great groundhog holiday and my mind began to wonder. I've read several blogs, editorials, and stories in the last few weeks in similar tone to this and I felt as if I too wanted to be part of the movement. Thank you for allowing me a few minutes to be sarcastic and have a little fun. In all honesty my prayer is that something happens to give people hope again. The truth is that no president will ever be able to do this. Never will there be a president that will be able to give people true hope. Our hope is not in kings, presidents, or their policies.